My colleague Beth Papioano sent me this quote today:
I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts.
– John Locke
The timing could not have been more perfect.
This week I am teaching a dialogue skills class and working on the course has given me a chance to think about the conversations we dread and the conversations we simply don’t have. One theme that keeps coming to mind is the importance of the stories we tell ourselves.
So often we avoid difficult conversations because we tell ourselves a “story” that gets in our own way. If I tell myself that another person is being impossible, that he or she won’t listen, that there is no possible resolution, or that bringing up an issue will forever destroy our relationship – those thoughts dictate my actions. I avoid the person. I stay silent. I stew and simmer. When anyone tries to convince me to talk with the person, I count of the score of reasons why nothing will help.
Before I can change my actions, I need to change my story.
In the workshop I am teaching, I asked participants to work with a partner to describe a sticky situation that have been avoiding addressing. First they described the situation and then their partners probed into their story. Next, the partners were asked to help put a new spin on the story – to bring up a different perspective or possibility.
We did many different exercises and activities throughout the day so I was surprised when, during the wrap up of the class, person after person said that the story activity was the most important takeaway for them. Many people reported that just changing their story gave them hope, confidence, and even excitement about having a conversation they’d been dreading.
What stories are getting in your way?
t3wendy.wordpress.com 